There is no going back

Last week I flew from Bali to Koh Samui.

Arrived at my hotel. Unpacking my stuff.

Then I found something: the keys to my old place back in Switzerland.

The place I lived my whole life. Where I grew up, but also where I was mediocre for years.

Whenever I got back "home" between my travels, I often got pulled in my old habits, my old identity.

Been using those keys for 20 years.

As I pulled them out, I noticed something weird.

They looked slightly twisted.

Started messing with them.

Without any force, they suddenly snapped in half.

Strange timing. Why break now? When I'm thousands of kilometers away. When I haven't used them in months.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it.

But I see it as a sign.

There is no going back.

Sam Ovens talks about this in Alchemy of Self:

"Be constantly aware of your own patterns of existence. As humans we are constantly in conflict between the person we are right now and the person we want to become. The two selfs are often at war with each other and create a waveform like pattern of highs and lows."

Those keys represented the old me. The backup plan. The safety net.

As long as they existed, part of me could always retreat.

Now they're broken.

No safety net. No backup plan. No going back to mediocrity.

Sometimes you have to burn the bridges yourself.

But other times, life breaks them for you.

Either way, there's only one direction left.

Forward.

See you in the trenches,

—Kassimi